No More Meditating (Notes to self)

This year was supposed to the year I meditated every day but a little while ago I just stopped. Why was I meditating in the first place? Well to to solve a problem of course. So often in life it seems like I do something to “fix” a problem. Seeking to fix; I was trying to fix me. For I am nothing but a broken vessel, right? Well I am and I’m ok with that. What is a problem? Just like the idea of a weed, my problem/s and the weed are completely dependent upon how I frame the situation.  It is easy for me to say these things but its entirely different to really feel this ok-ness deeply. This year it feels like I’ve really made a big step in understanding despite stepping away. I still get mad, angry, upset, and I still have an attachment to particular emotions but I’m ok with these things. I see all these feelings and emotions coming and going within but I’m also fully involved; kind of hard to describe, but anyway. I’ve since picked up meditation again but doing so feels different. This understanding is at a slightly different, deeper, level than before, and it also seems to be ever changing, shifting and moving as I grow. I think I’m on my 4th year of pretty consistent meditating and I would like to go on a month long sometime in the coming years.  Just getting my thoughts out there.

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