I imagine having everything I ever said and thought recorded. I imagine it’s there for all the world to see and to scrutinize.
How deeply am I a bungling hypocrite? How logically consistent am I really? How honest am I really? Am I really the good person I like to think that I am? Am I really the hero?
Unfortunately I am the hypocrite and the liar and not the good hero. I blush at thinking about how much work I need.
What does it cost to get one’s inner life in order? What does it cost to keep one’s external environment clean?
Time and Discipline.
This popped into my mind, “I don’t want to be a positive roll model for my sister.” Whether I want to or not I’m some kind of roll model, not in a self congratulatory way.
My actions are always judged and perceived by someone. Usually the closer the relationship with someone the more my actions are seen. I judge in such a manner automatically. Though with practice I’m far more aware of these charter infractions; meaning, I can circumvent this genetic impulse but it must be done via something like mindfulness, observation, attention and/or awareness.
So why shouldn’t I be judged? Well I think I should be.
The mind seems to always be dreaming. The difference in wakeful dreaming and sleep dreaming is consciousness. Consciousness seems to act as a barrier that keeps the dreams more orientated and cohesive; nonetheless, it’s still very dream like if we actually pay attention. Remove the barrier and we know how crazy things can get in our sleeping dream state.
Simplicity isn’t easy because our nature tells us we need more. Collecting and living in abundance is actually the easy way. However, the best and easiest way to live a purposeful life is through simplicity.
Discipline and habit (suffering) are our friends. Don’t fear suffering, embrace it!