Within the past several years I started to think more and more about death. I’m guessing because I started to meditate on death. It sounds morbid but it has helped me appreciate life a little more because I can actually see and imagine it striking me or anyone that is close to me.
My father and I can sometimes be at odds politically but many of our discussions are about politics. One day in the middle of me responding back, rather forcefully, my fathers death crossed my mind. In the middle of the text I broke down and cried. However, while in tears I finished and sent the response. I made a vow to not allow these minor differences cause arguments. It’s also complicated because this is what we do and neither of us hold a grudge for long. Nonetheless, I’ve basically stuck to this vow.
The past week my Dad came to visit and the following week my nephew was graduating boot camp, which we (my sister and her family, parents and myself) were all supposed to attend. I second guessed going but after talking with my sister I realized that this was a big special moment for him and my nephew. We might not get to do something like this ever again so I decided that I should go.
The whole weekend this idea of death was in the back of my mind. I really wanted to treasure the this time. As a matter of fact over the past couple years it has been on my mind each time I see my parents.
I had forgotten my tooth brush and my dad had an extra (new) one. As I sat in his bathroom it was totally silent and I realized that there is soon coming a day when I will no longer see them. My heart filled with love in that moment because my dad was there, my parents were there, my family was there, I was there getting to experience life.
It helps me treat them with more compassion and this can be difficult because they aren’t always easy to get along with.
As I get deeper into this realization of death it help me treat all people a little better. I still have a long way to go but for me this is one of the most useful ways to cut through everything and see the humanity in all.
No point to this other than kind of an extension to what I was journaling about tonight.