Judge Them First

I imagine having everything I ever said and thought recorded. I imagine it’s there for all the world to see and to scrutinize.

How deeply am I a bungling  hypocrite? How logically consistent am I really? How honest am I really? Am I really the good person I like to think that I am? Am I really the hero?

Unfortunately I am the hypocrite and the  liar and not the good hero. I blush at thinking about how much work I need.

Why Shouldn’t I Be Judged?

This popped into my mind, “I don’t want to be a positive roll model for my sister.” Whether I want to or not I’m some kind of roll model, not in a self  congratulatory way.

My actions are always judged and perceived by someone. Usually the closer the relationship with someone the more my actions are seen. I judge in such a manner automatically.  Though with practice I’m far more aware of these charter infractions; meaning, I can  circumvent this genetic impulse but it must be done via something like mindfulness, observation, attention and/or awareness.

So why shouldn’t I be judged? Well I think I should be.

 

The Easy Way

Simplicity isn’t easy because our nature tells us we need more. Collecting and living in abundance is actually the easy way. However, the best and easiest way to live a purposeful life is through simplicity.

Discipline and habit (suffering) are our friends. Don’t fear suffering, embrace it!

Thinking: Habits

It seems like:

The depth of the habit or problem we are trying to fix/change will be met with the direct inverse in suffering (pain). When did we become so delusional that it would be all sunshine and rainbows for becoming anew? I’m not sure to what extent we realize our life is pretty close to pure habit.

If it wasn’t why is it so hard to keep our promises to ourselves? Ok, I’ll never eat sugar again, or tomorrow I’ll start (x) but we don’t and then suffering for not doing the set out task and our inner voice is slightly weaker (This is a slow process so we don’t see the change). Even as we succeed suffering takes place because the old way is there beckoning for us, for its return so we fight but we get tired because the pain is to much: Its to hard.

My son is 6 years old and his teacher uses this app called class dojo and basically its a up to the minute report of positive and negative things that happen during the day. We encourage Alex to get 100%. Each day he leaves wanting 100% but then enviably he ends up falling short by not following directions, or other little infractions.

I asked him why doesn’t he just follow directions or not yell out in class? It seriously melted my heart when he said, “Pap, I try but it’s so hard.” I deeply understood what he meant. I laughed and rubbed his back and said, “Yeah, I know.”

For us adults what does this mean? What is hard? This, in my estimation, begs the questions if we truly are in control of ourselves why would it be hard? This is a delusion of the mind. We are not in control our habits are we can use our awareness to help direct our actions and behaviors. Then I ask myself what is the lessor or better form of suffering? I feel it is the suffering from achieving rather than failure so this shows me how important it is for me to show my son in action, discipline and encouragement to build these in his life so he can be a functional, productive, purpose driven, happen human being. This same thing applies to me but I must be the role model…. Enough for now as it is time for practice.

Emotional spasm

1) Placing inordinate emphasis on the most trivial matters by reacting to shallow momentary emotional spasms are not the best grounds for developing any sort of deeper fulfillment in life and leads one to continual momentary dissatisfaction.

2) I say explore life’s deeper values and exercise the governance (not blind governance) of all deeper values in ones life while rejecting the shallow emotional reactions. Just the starting point to any sort of meaningful life: practice.

3) Balance and moderation in all things is an art: habit.

Learn To Setting Systems, Not Goals

I thought the below video was great and several years ago I sort of abandoned goal setting and starting the process I call ‘learning to live’, or as the video says “Setting systems”.  As we age we begin to see that life has this sort of pulse feeling to it.  We set a goal and achieve it but soon after we feel empty again.

The idea that I construct is I somehow think that once I arrive at a particular point then I will have made it, then I will feel satisfied, or then I can rest; however, this is one of the greatest lies. The lie persists in our society that it is money or obtaining a particular material wealth. I found myself achieving my personal goals as well as the societal goals; however, I still had this permanent uneasy unsatisfied feeling. Why? (If anyone reading might now think this is about bashing on our current system/culture but I don’t believe so.)

Over the past several years I started to teach myself to enjoy the process. I can set goals but this is merely one aspect of the process; learning how to enjoy where I am now is another; learning how to be ok with this uneasy feeling within is a part; learning how to connect spiritually; learning how to connect culturally. Lastly, and this is for me the most important part, learning that ITS ALL LIFE!

An example in my own life right now is that I’m learning to play the piano.

1) I want to learn how to play and I have an idea of where I’d like to be; this for me is setting the goal.

2) I now set sail on that journey; now I must understand and be OK with exactly where I am in this process. This part is very important to practice. As we practice this step, and this might sound weird, but it get intergraded with our entire being. A flowing with life begins to emerge.

3) There have been days that I don’t want to practice but I do it anyway. This is being ok with feeling uneasy and knowing that these feelings are fleeting.

4) I learn that I never really arrive. It is always a series of journeys. Its a process of learning to be fully in where I am are AND being able to move forward. I begin to see that all these daily practices and daily investments in being is an opportunity for me to finally start living my life and while also moving forward at the same time. I’m learning to understand how to properly and see this friction and move with it, adapt if you will.

5) Some days are good and some aren’t. I see more clearly that it is all life! I move, I practice, I feel, I practice, I enjoy, I practice, I hurt, I practice, I set goals, I practice, I listen, I practice. I see that it has never been me, I practice. I added 5 which might seem off topic but really isn’t. It’s all connected. I’m not just practicing playing the piano when I’m sitting in front of it. Habits don’t really care.

Individualism: The Me Paradigm

Has the value we’ve place on individualism actually made us less happy and view the world with more contempt?

Has this value actually made us more isolated and brought forth a bounty of depression, anxiety and suicides?

Has this value divided our relationships, our family and our communities?

Has this value been a contributor to all the polarization that we’ve been seeing in our country?

His this value made us indifferent to those around us because it is all about me, the individual? “Fuck you! Do you know what you did to me?”

Has this value caused us to place excessive emphasis on feelings/our own feelings?

Has this value eroded other values such as free speech?

Is it this value that has been caused the breakdown of the more wholesome societal  norms?

Is it even ok for me to even question such a thing without being branded and labeled as some sort of collective extremist?

Probabilistic States (updated@3:12 pm)

Ok, I really need some help here with this thought.

Yesterday I was thinking what is a probability? Do probabilities really exist? The famous slit experiment shows that light is both a wave and a partial and the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum mechanics says that it will remain in a probabilistic state until its observed, which is what the slit experiment verifies. Schrodinger’s thought experiment points to the paradox of this to reality (Schrodinger’s cat). Something is not in a probabilistic state, it is either is or isn’t. I know these are excessively simple explanations and if you want to learn more hop on youtube or a good book on the subject is: The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene

I need some help with this thought, so I see both views as correct. Life cannot exist in a state that has happened but our current moment is the state of completion. If this probabilistic state did not exist everything would be over, period. It would be this “on” followed by an intimidate “off”. To me it seems unfathomable how quickly the entire birth and death of of our universe would occur. The entire process would be over the exact moment it began, liken it to never existing. So we open the box and the cat is alive (or dead for the more morbid:) ) it cannot exist in a probabilistic: something either is or isn’t but there is a cat and we are here. Let me try one more illustration, as I am driving I will either turn left or go straight (going right isn’t an option) now this is undetermined until I do, or make up my mind and before then it is impossible to know what will occur. We can make very accurate educated guess using the latest scientific equipment and our understanding in human behavior but in the end it either is or isn’t, it happens or it doesn’t. There isn’t such a thing as probably turning after or as it occurs. Where does this state exist then? We know it does from personal experience and through scientific observation.

Let us shrink the moment I made up my mind to turn to the smallest moment of time our measly minds can comprehend, I believe this illustration points to something. I am thinking it points to consciousness itself the ‘now’ as it occurs, or the slightest moment before it occurs. This space seems so small. So small in fact that it seems to both exist and not exist simultaneously. Our consciousness is this slightest moment or bridge between or maybe, in other words, our consciousness is the probabilistic state itself (the thing we call life) but we can only see the completed state. I’m not quite sure how else to explain it which is why I need some help. So I wouldn’t mind ideas to help formulate this thought (perhaps this really is an old thought and has been discussed many times before) or you can tell me how whacked I am.